My maternity leave is now over and I finally had to go back to work this week. The days leading up to it were awful and full of anxiety. I woke up everyday with a heavy weight on my heart and a deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I’d soon have to leave my precious little man. And everyday, I’d have to remind myself that every mom goes through this, they have all survived it before me, and moms everywhere after me will continue to make it through their first day back at work. I’m incredibly lucky to have G-ma be able to stay with us and watch Caden while I adjust to going back to work and not everyone is fortunate enough to have that support.
Honestly, my first week back hasn’t been bad thanks to my awesome coworkers and boss who have all been so great in welcoming me back and being understanding of my new mommy needs. I’m not sure how my 2nd week will be – it might finally hit me that I’m really back at work, doing the 9-6 shift, trying to beat traffic, having to rush home to spend just an hour with baby boy before it’s bedtime – and that this time, it’s back to the permanent grind and I don’t have another 12 weeks leave to spend with him. In an ideal world, I’d give work the finger and live in my pjs and snuggle with little mister man all day.
I never thought I’d be the one to want to be a housewife, a stay at home mom – but I find myself aching for it. This former party girl? The one known as the Hulk? psshhh. I’m not sure if this is just a new mama phase and if it’ll pass but it doesn’t seem to be getting better in the mornings. It’s taking longer and longer to leave the cutest face in the world especially when he is getting so good at giving me this goofy grin. How. Can. You. Leave. This. Face?